Tuesday, January 26, 2010

I am guilty

I am tired of musical theater.

I am tired of hearing my roommates sing theater songs.

I am tired of hearing youtube videos of musical theater songs blasting from the living room.

I am tired of hearing the people talk about type and audition material.

I am tired of hearing them judge their peers and friends so harshly.

I am tired of seeing the same kind of songs and the same movements and the same things from people performing.

I am tired of hearing people belt.

I am tired of being judged by everyone in a career choice that will have no impact curing world hunger or homelessness or any of the world's problems.

I am tired of musical theater and its cliches.

I am in a weird mood.

It's only a week into the semester and my career choice is already burning a hole in my enthusiasm. I am a terrible person and should be killed instantly.

I could mull on this longer, but I've got 2.5 songs to learn.

Mostly, I am just tired.

Please don't be too hard on me.

But I'm just tired of being a part of a field that will not care whatsoever whether or not I contribute or not.

As I write this, my roommate is on the phone talking to someone about her belt and how she used it on a song. And I am so happy for her. She's megafuckin super talented. I envy people who have no doubts, who never tire of discussing vocal arrangements and character choices. I just don't know what's wrong with me. Is it just that I don't have the right temperament for anything?

No, I'm not making any rash decisions, and changing my major. I love the collaborative art that is theater. I think, though, that the MT-Concentrate (not MT cocktail juice) is making me go a little crazy. I don't know. You know what, just ignore me. Kthxbai.

[/useless rant]


themonkeyjedi said...

Really dig your anime work! Heard you over on Hour 42 and checked out your blog. Just wanted to say I enjoy it. If you get a chance pop on over to http://someone-elses-blog.blogspot.com/ also @monkeyjedi on twitter. Have a great day. Keep writing and I'll keep reading!

StephCeCo said...

Girl, I feel you more than you know! There are tons of times that I'm like "Is this really what I want to do?" And although, I usually wind up saying "yes it is", it does not come without the "UGH WHY AM I DOING THIS?" feeling! Hell, I think I may have become an English double-major because I secretly know the theater thing probably won't work out...but whatever! Do whatever makes you happy!! :)

ps we need to hang out and get bubble tea soon! love!