Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Best photo app ever

I got a few new iPhone apps after they were promoted by my favorite blogger XiaXue...

...and I have way too much fun with them.

Some of them are simply filters or color editors, like Camera360. They have a skin filter called "glowy" that makes your skin look awesome.

My skin doesn't look anywhere near this even, so I cheated. :)

The toad is real though. He was adorable.

Crazier apps, like "Lumie" and "LINE Camera," allow you to not only add filters, but things like stickers and other purikura goodness. (Purikura is a Japanese photobooth type thing where you get to look crazy and cute and have lots of stickers)

I started with a normal photo I took... which is already kind of cool, with the light flare behind and stuff.

Then I used a vintage filter on Camera 360...

Then you can add a border and SPARKLES with LINE Camera! Yay sparkles!

And then my name. hurr hurr.

And apps like these are how I'm able to turn a perfectly normal photograph

Into an abomination such as this one. HEYOHHHH

LINE Camera is ULTRA fun because of its stickers. You will see above I not only added sparkles, but a bow and hipster glasses. Their effects don't end there; they have anime eyes, hair, hats, clothes, and everything else you could need to make a photograph absolutely ridiculous.

Here, let's start with this

And make THESE!

And from there, we can start with this

And make these!

I'm Johnny Depp, muthafuckaaaas!

Disco chic!

I like this one's hair. The bow is cool too.

Anime something or other, who the hell knows

Soccer beach mom?

Snowy cat thing?

JPop princess!

Super cool blonde DJ chick!

Winston said I looked like Dev in this one. Dev is the singer in that "Like a G6" song

Speaking of Winston, NO ONE is safe from my photo editing! Muahaha!

The last is my personal favorite. He looks like such a sweet little Alaskan schoolgirl.

Yup, no one is safe, including my 80-year old grandpa.
Supa suave.

Blogged while recovering from seeing Rock of Ages, which is truly terrible (save for a love duet between Alec Baldwin and Russel Brand,)

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

This is why we can't watch movies together

Let me preface by saying that my grandmother is a badass.

However, she is also batshit insane crazy.

Also, southern. Not Texas-southern, but deep Georgia-southern, which is inherently crazy anyway.

(I say this with all due respect and love toward the Georgians)

So, my mom and I took a road trip to come visit her and spend some time together doing what southern girls do best... cooking and eating. When everything was cooked that needed to be cooked, we decided to watch a movie. The movie we picked was It's Complicated, starring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin.

Here is some of the dialogue that happened while watching that movie.
(My grandmother's name is Sandra, and will be in red. My mother is Tracy, in green. Please, if you can, imagine all of Sandra's speech in a harsh southern accent.)

(After the initial plot setup)
Sandra: Does he have two wives?
Me: No grandmom, he has a new trophy wife, and then Meryl Streep is the ex-wife.
Sandra: Oh. Well, I don't get it.

(5 minutes into the movie)
Sandra: Oh my god, they're gonna poontang!**
Me: Well, yes.
Sandra: This is a nasty movie.

(Roughly 1000 times during the film)
Sandra: This movie is nasty. I don't like it.

(Fifteen minutes later)
Sandra: Oh good lord. Is she gonna have a baby?
Tracy: She's fifty nine, mother! No!
Sandra: Oh, all right.

(Ten minutes later)
Sandra: Who's that?
Tracy: That's Alec Baldwin, mother. He's been in this movie for an hour.
Sandra: Oh.
(Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep begin to take off items of clothing.)
Sandra: Oh good lord, they're gonna do it again.
Sandra: I like sex. I never get sex any more. Your daddy doesn't give me any.
Me and Tracy: SHUT UP PLEASE

(Several times)
Sandra: So, what, is she gonna get pregnant or something?
Tracy: No, mom. You already asked that. She's not.
Sanda: Oh, well, okay.

(Any time any of us stopped speaking)
Sandra: Y'all want some cake?
Me: Nope.
Tracy: No, I'm good.
Sandra: I need to get y'all some cake. You want milk with your cake?

Sandra: Is she gonna have a baby?
Me and Tracy: NO!!!
Tracy: She's old, mother! That's not what this movie is about! It has nothing to do with babies!
Sanda: Oh, well, women her age can still have babies!
Me: There are no babies in this movie. I promise.
Sandra: All right. Anybody want some cake? (pause) This movie is nasty.

(The next morning)
Sandra: Oh, I liked that movie! There was lots of sex! I like sexy movies. Lots of poontang!
Me and Tracy: [headdesk]

Watching movies with my grandmother?

It's Complicated.

But she made us some killer pink cake. The pink cake recipe is a secret. Naturally, then, at some point I'll write about the recipe.

Blogged while keeping Austin weird,

**Note: "poontang" possibly comes from the Italian or maybe Philippino word for "whore," or puntania or something. My grandmother, who has no idea of other languages or the word's origins, uses it to describe sex, and uses it as a noun, verb, and adjective interchangeably.  Variations include "poontangin'" and "poontangs".

Monday, June 25, 2012

...deep in the heart...

Here is my outfit for today... You will notice it's the same dress as my header... This is because I brought a total of two outfits to my excursion to the south.

Below that is the goddess herself, my queen, Allie the border collie, sitting in the sunshine. She's so gorgeous. ☺

Blogging while driving even FURTHER down south,

Sunday, June 24, 2012

The stars at night are big and bright...

After thirteen hours in LaGuardia Airport, I have arrived in the Lone Star State!

DFW was a welcome sight after freezing in the NY terminal for so long. And it was so photogenic :P

And look who greeted me! 
 I love this damn dog.

Due to the day's starvation, I promptly sought Taco Bell and was reunited with my love, the Cheesy Gordita Crunch.

Allie got chubby. But she is beloved by our family. Here she is with her husband
I missed my dog so damn much.

So this morning I had all day to take Texas by the horns. This, of course, meant taking advantage of the excessive sunshine for photowhoring. COMMENCE PHOTOWHORING.
This sunflower was sassing me. And by sassing me I mean allowing hideous flying insects to swarm near my face.

My mother, let it be known, is a master gardener. Our backyard has become a veritable farm. Or ranchette type thing. Either way, we grow a crap ton of vegetables and use them to cook things! It's so country, and I love it!

Ain't she a cutie?

Our garden has so many flowers. It's so awesome.

We finished up our veggie picking for the day and began primping to go out, like a good Southern girl should.

This, of course, meant more photowhoring.

Then we got pedicures. I got blue!

My mother decided we needed more yoga clothes, so we took a trip next door to Academy...
I tried on some super tight fitting workout clothes. I'm not sure I'm fit enough to sport these at the gym... I'll stick to a t shirt and sweats thanks!

The highlight of our meal tonight (made mostly of home-grown zucchini and tomatoes) was, by far, cherry beer.

So apparently there are laws in the Bible Belt that you can't purchase alcohol on a Sunday before noon. I had no idea of this rule. So my mom and I go to the grocery store to prepare for the day, and we want to buy cherry beer... but we have to come back several hours later. So, after laughing at the absurdity and uptight moral standards of the south, we got cherry beer.

Cherry beer is MAGICAL.

This is the kind we got. You should get it too! I think the cherry one (left) is pronounced "creek" and I'm not even going to try the raspberry one (right) which I think is Dutch or something crazy.

Cherry beer is good for you
It makes the whole world nicer
It's sweet and tart, and bubbly too
It's good when put on

Magical, magical cherry beer.
Drinking of the cherry beer in a kind of champagne glass thing. It tasted classier that way.

Actually, it tasted kind of like cherry soda with booze. Which is also an excellent idea.

More photowhoring with the cherry beer

The grandparents/aunts and uncle come over!

Meanwhile, Jack does what he does best...

Grilling zucchini. We used this instead of pasta for a vegetarian lasagna to cut the carbs. Delicious cheating!

Spoon of death and deliciousness

Here is a collage of all of the marvelous food I've had since arriving in Texas. Cherry beer, Taco Bell, guacamole, salsa, cucumber salad, zucchini lasagna made from plants in our backyard, more cherry beer...

I am happy to be back for a short time.

Blogged while finishing the last of the cherry beer,


I have to give props to my little brother. For weeks I have been wanting to create a new blog header, and I finally decided today was the day to do it. So I dragged Jack painstakingly off of Diablo III, shoved my iPhone into his hands, and commanded him to take pictures of me while I posed in a new dress, all for the intention of creating some new ridiculous self photoshoot for my blog. He is such a good sport.

Here are some shots from the shoot-- and by that I mean all of the shots. There were four. Then he gave up and went back inside to Diablo.