Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The Great Gerbil Run

Sometimes, when Winston and I get back to his house after a particularly trying day of summer school, we just need to chill out and let our brains wander. Wins achieves this by playing Starcraft. I achieve this by being ridiculous (as per usual.)

How did I decide to be ridiculous today?

By making a giant gerbil obstacle course, of course!

The first step was laying down newspaper so they wouldn't make a mess on Qi Qi's squishy soft play floor that covers the upstairs living room, where I decided to build the course since it had the most open room. The run was rather small (I made it the "beginners course") and walled with books so they wouldn't jump out. I used books that I wouldn't mind messing up:

1. A Calculus textbook (Not mine. Bahaha!)
2. Some older, shabbier books
3. Winston's copies of the Twilight series (I should have smeared gerbil food on them first)

The incentive? At the end of the maze was half a granola bar! Which is the equivalent of a lifetime supply of salt & vinegar chips for me.

Gerbil course of DOOM. (not really.)

The entrance to the maze, marked by a pair of Vans
(I got a new watch. It's totally steampunk awesome.)

They must pass through a tunnel...

And a slightly larger tunnel,
followed by my copy of War and Peace,
which they have to jump over to receive the granola bar.

Our two victims contestants:

aka "Max"
aka "Winston's favorite"


aka "Dante"
aka "Kate's favorite"

First, the race takes off with our first contestant, Dante.

Our hero first sits at the entrance, not knowing what to do. He pees next to Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles out of fear and confusion.

He ambles through both tunnels, then stands like a meerkat next to Eclipse, looking baffled.

Rather than leaping to victory, Dante decides to hang out on Tolstoy for a bit. He merely blinks at the granola bar.

Finally, after about a minute of wandering back and forth in the course, he steps over the War & Peace, finds the granola bar, and turns back. He is not impressed by the granola bar.

Time: 1 minute 20 seconds.

Next up: Max!

Max has a good start, sprinting like a bat out of hell to the tunnels.

He is deterred only by Vonnegut's Player Piano, which apparently is delicious.

Finally, he makes it to the last jump... but what does he do? Takes a shit on Tolstoy, then runs back to the beginning. Maybe he is trying to make a statement against Russian literature.

After dashing back faster than my phone can process the camera shutter, Maxie takes one final leap over the (now defaced) War & Peace to his victory nomming. However, his victory doesn't last long because I chuck the little bastard back in his cage and quickly take care of my beloved W&P. (The book is now fine.)

Time: 43 seconds.

The winner: Max!

Verdict: My favorite gerbil is retarded.

1 comment:

middleagedtreehouse said...

Rodent droppings next to great literature makes me nervous.