Sunday, September 25, 2011

The nice thing about writing

is that it doesn't necessarily matter if anyone will read it. It just feels good to get out there.

For example, I should be sleeping right now. I have to pay my electric bill tomorrow morning before an 8:30 a.m. math class, then I have a coaching, then a voice lesson, then costuming, then tap class, then a few hours of volunteer service tutoring kids. But this will eventually become a normal Monday for me. I'm still getting into the swing of that.

I am so weak.

Most people wouldn't complain about being this busy; that's why it makes me feel like such a weak person when I find myself feeling tired or self-piteous. I have no right to be self-pitying! My life has too many good things in it to feel overwhelmed. Right?

I think the real issue is that I have to spend a lot of time on trains, which drives me batshit, especially at rush hour. It's the noise. So much noise. So very loud, this city of mine. The trains are so. Very. Loud.

At night, I get a few moments of peace and I let myself fantasize about New Mexico spas and my dogs back in Texas and Christmas and crazy Tibetan monasteries I'll probably never be able to see. To be there. To be then, actually. Then and not now. Now is insanity. Now is restlessness and lack of sleep and so very much noise from loud, loud trains and so many people. Then is somewhen else.

But now is the now, so I have to work with it. That's all we can do, right?

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