Thursday, May 14, 2009

How NOT to be Woken Up

1. Early in the morning, about 7, before my brother leaves for school. I am peacefully sleeping until I hear...


Sometimes it really is just too early for YouTube.

2. I sleep for one more hour or so when I suddenly hear something like a faint tinkling sound, like running water on plastic. There is a thunderstorm outside, so this can only mean one thing. Sure enough, I look over past my bed and there is Sean, the biggest pussy in the world, OUTRIGHT PEEING IN MY SUITCASE WHICH IS STILL FILLED WITH CLOTHES.

Now, he does this during storms, and no one knows why. What the hell posesses this dog to run into all of our closets and piss on our clothes? Or, since my closet door was closed, find another pile of clothes to soak with his doggy pee?

"You are a retard, Sean." I yelled. "And I really do not know why the hell you have to piss on any fabric you find when it so much as rains outside. YOU ARE ALMOST TEN YEARS OLD. YOU ARE NOT A PUPPY. DO YOU HEAR ME?? Why the hell do you do this??!"

(I would never hit a dog. But verbal punishment as if they are coherent adult humans works just as well)

He just cowered on the floor, whimpering and sticking his tongue out, fearing for the end of the world as more thunder boomed. I washed the clothes and drove to work.

My dog is a retard. My suitcase is piss-stained. And the Leeroy Jenkins WoW raid is not that funny. That was my exciting morning. The end.

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