Monday, November 10, 2008

We don't look up

We rush, we walk, we look ahead or at the ground.
Far too rarely do people look up and realize:
look at where I am!
Look at what we can do!
But we're caught up in the current,
and no one ever looks up.
They never look up, so they never see the sun.
They never notice the sun
or the tall buildings reflecting it.
That's why the neighborhood looks gloomy.
The buildings catch all the sunlight,
reflecting it back and forth
but never letting it reach the ground.
We have to go up to see sunlight;
up on a roof or uptown.

Look for the sunlight, because otherwise it won't exist.
That's what I've taken upon myself.
I've had to learn to listen to people--
I mean really listen--
to find what they're about and let them in.
I figure maybe if I let enough people in
one of them will go look for sunlight with me.

I clean my face meticulously.
I try to take pride in my nails-- what sad remnants of them exist, anyway.
I protect my two un-losable items... iphone, wallet.
I love the subways.
(Is that weird?)
I love them.
I have strange, beautiful, sad dreams that wake me late in the morning
leaving strange thoughts, like how great being married with two newborn twin boys would be.
And then I say, "What?!" and wake up and shake the thoughts and carry on with the morning.
My life is odd-- busy and not.
Definitely not busy enough,
and desperately trying to look for all my shortcomings.
I'll see some sun eventually,
but it might be a dreary winter beforehand.

1 comment:

Allison said...

I would gladly look for the sun with you. It's always cloudy here. It feels so isolated. It has made me appreciate Texas sunshine more than ever. It's okay. We can just make our own sun until we see the real thing.