Saturday, September 27, 2008


It's a Saturday night, and I am sitting in my chilly little room with Chinese leftovers and some chai tea, reading and writing letters and generally hanging out after a long and unusual day (which included getting typed out at an open call early in the morning and later wandering lower Manhattan in search of coffee.) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is on right now, which is a great movie, but before this I had seen a Discovery Channel documentary about this tsunami that's eventually going to destroy the east coast of the US.

(How the Tsunami is Going To Wreak Havoc: A Story Kate-ified)
In a couple of decades, a chunk of La Palma, part of the Canary Islands near Northern Africa, is going to essentially fall off in a gigantic landslide after a nearby volcano erupts. Typically tsunami waves are created by underwater earthquakes and shit, but when it's a landslide that goes into the ocean, the ocean's like, well fuck, and then it's a giant wave, like ten times bigger than one made by an earthquake. Ok, so when the part of the island falls off, or whatever, it slides in the water and makes a giant wave, and then the wave travels, and it gets bigger and bigger, and spreads out to the size of the Eastern coastline. Then, it will gain momentum until it makes this wall of water 100 meters tall traveling at 800 km/hr. Whee! That's damn big and fast. Then it will hit the coastline and basically wipe out every city on the East of the US ten miles in.

SO, after this happens, hopefully everyone will have been evacuated (or we will have the technology to do something about it; this won't happen for at least fifty years or so) and then all the big cities over here will be destroyed. With the destruction of New York, there will no longer be bagels, live theater as a career choice, or a great number of homeless people. With no Boston, there will no longer be delicious cream pie. And with no Miami FL, there will be a great loss of land for old people, pink flamingoes, and the gay community.

So then everyone will have to move inward to Chicago, I guess, or Texas, or California. But if another tsunami hits the West coast (proof that God is, indeed, tired of this country's existence) then that choice is out. Anyway, then I guess everyone will pack into the middle of the country, or move to Canada. Nothing ever happens to Canada except a lot of snow.

So, if a mega tsunami hits us, I guess we'll all be in a sticky wicket. I guess we should come to terms with our morTality as soon as possible.

1. We are all going to die.
2. We may as well have fun while we're here.
3. This does not mean be a dumbass.

Thank you, and have a good day.

Oh, and I get to be an audience member in The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Be jealous.


Tracy said...

Great post!

But did you mean to use the word "morality" rather than "mortality?"

It is funny how similar those two words are. Maybe it was a Freudian slip!


Tracy said...

Did you do something different to your masthead?

PS- I got tired of waiting on you to call me back, so I went ahead and ordered. Expect some lovely things to arrive!