Thursday, January 15, 2009

The Asian War

My roommates, Aude and Nicole, are convinced that I am an Asian person in disguise. The conversation of Aude's first accusation must have gone something like this...

A: "You're such an Asian."
K: "No, I'm not. You actually are Asian."
A: "No, I'm Philippino. That's totally different."
K: "But you look Asian."
A: "I only look Asian! You ACT Asian!"
K: "I do not!"
A: "Do too! You are such an Asian wannabe!"
K: "If you look Asian, you basically are Asian..."
Nicole: "What do I look like?"
K: "Spanish. You're just Spanish."

Now, understandably, if I were Asian for reals it would be a hell of a lot easier to get cast as Fontine in Les Mis or that girl who speaks six languages in Spelling Bee. But with the current state of Broadway, the only racism is against people who aren't green. (Cough, Shrek, Elphaba...)

Let's look at both sides of the argument: The true test to see who is more Asian.

Side: "Aude is more Asian than Kate"

And so is her family.

2. She has Hello Kitty stuff near her printer.

3. She has these things hanging near her desk. TOTALLY Asian-cutesy.
Look! There's even a PANDA among them!! How is that NOT Asian??!

And, well... that's basically it in my argument against Aude.

Now for the other side.

Side: "Reasons Kate would be more Asian than Aude" (filthy lie)

1. I have sushi pajamas.

But they're so warm and comfy...

2. I have a Hello Kitty T-shirt (so sue me. It was from DELIA'S.)

3. I have this... thing.

4. There are sometimes weird Asian snacks at the nearby grocery store and I like them cuz they're so odd and tasty and you can't read what's inside of them.

From left to right: Pocky, nameless chocolate filled things and fake strawberry chocolates.

5. I have a rice cooker in which I often make myself rice.
And I love my rice cooker.

6. My favorite blogger is in Singapore. And she goes by the Chinese name Xiaxue. (But her blog is funny, and snarky. The fact that it's a Singaporean blog has little to do with the content)

ALSO, I do voiceovers for anime cartoons, but that does NOT count against me in the Asian War because they are recorded in English and the recording station is all in Texas. And Texas is the farthest thing from Asian culture one can possibly get. I was born in Texas, Aude was born in Dubai. Which is closer to Asia? DUBAI.


The verdict:

Point systems are not being used because AUDE IS MORE ASIAN THAN KATE. THE END.

(Postscript: Please note that Asian is in no way being used as a derogatory term. So don't get offended if you are an actual fo-realz Asian person. I am just a nerdy little white girl who really does often wish she had something other than pasty whiteness in her.)


Tracy said...

Actually, I think the Hello Kitty tee from was Alloy.

Fun pics. You have wanted to be Asian as long as I can remember.

Jennifer said...

You forgot about how you were a star at the anime convention (yes, she went to a CONVENTION)


you forgot about how you love that little number by Pizzacato 5.....


Kate said...

Harlan likes it too! Doesn't count!

Frosty said...

Wait, wait, wait. Why did you delete both Twilight posts? Because there is nothing wrong with voicing your opinion that Twilight is a pile of fetid turds and an attempt to keep America stupid. I stand by that.
Not to mention the whole series is a compilation of plagiarized work from various other writers who've actually written good vampire/fantasy/horror books.

Kate said...

Frosty- I'm not hiding my opinion; I'm waiting till I read more so I can insert my ultimate snarkiness in a blog. I like my blogs to be complete in their amount of content ;-P

The story isn't bad, but it's still very generic and poorly written and I'm tooootally judging it thus far. Hahaha.